I’m sorry, but it’s pretty obvious that Friends is just an awful, awful TV show

It’s finally happened: Friends is officially returning for a one-off special. You have probably seen your incredibly lame friends frantically tagging each other in posts about the news. People who really need to acquire a hobby are calling it “the biggest news of the millenium.” The whole thing is being done to push HBO’s new streaming service, but the fact it will be unscripted bascially confirms it won’t be the proper return you think it’s going to be. But even if it were, it doesn’t mater, because Friends is -and I cannot stress this enough – total shit.

Don’t get me wrong, I watch a lot of Friends. I watch it almost religiously, every day, and I’ve seen every episode 20+ times. But this is purely in a nostalgic, I-watched-this-when-I-was-a-kid-and-it-still-makes-me-feel-warm-inside way. If I was introduced to this show now, at the ripe old age of 20, there’s no way I would love it as much as I do now.

I doubt I’d even get through the first season of badly timed gay jokes, Rachel’s whiney brattiness, and Ross’ “oh woe is me my wife’s a lesbian” outlook on life. The show is just really not that good, and it doesn’t deserve the love everyone showers over it. Sorry, not sorry.

Ross is a pretty terrible person
He waited approximately four seconds before cheating on Rachel (yes, they were on a break but we all know that doesn’t actually mean they’ve broken up – if Friends has taught us anything, it’s that), he broke up with his girlfriend because she was bald, he dated one of his students – in a move that was both inappropriate and unprofessional – he said the wrong name at the wedding, and he refused to get a divorce from Rachel, very much against her will.

Oh, and he decided to pose as a masseuse in order to massage an attractive woman. Perv. Not to mention the fact that he is a terrible father: where is Ben at his wedding to Emily? Why does he not care that Rachel is taking Emma across the pond to Paris where he’ll never get to see her? You want to root for Ross, you really do, especially when he is constantly victimised by the other characters, but he’s just such an arsehole.

All the guys constantly attack each other in order to boost their own masculinity
Remember the episode when Joey bought a “man bag” and all the other characters teased him mercilessly for owning a handbag – even the extras whose sole purpose in the episode was to tear down Joey’s masculinity? Or the episode when Ross, Joey, and Chandler all seem to find the idea of a male nanny hilarious, coming to the conclusion that he must be gay because, duh, why else would a guy want to be a nanny if he wasn’t gay?

Or every episode with Carol and Susan, whose marriage is literally just used as a punchline to shame Ross and threaten his masculinity.

Their relationships are destructive and pretty meaningless
The whole “will the, won’t they” between Ross and Rachel was tiresome before they even got together in season 3, but it only got worse after that. The idea that Rachel’s job was an unjumpable hurdle in her otherwise “solid” relationship with Ross is just stupid; there was no trust in their relationship, no respect, and very little commitment – as Ross proved.

If their relationship was “solid” then Ross wouldn’t need it validated constantly – and he would have taken responsibility for his actions with the Xerox guy. Which, by the way, he only does in one episode later on because he was too tired to read Rachel’s letter and just wanted to get laid.

Chandler was just as bad, to be fair, constantly stringing Janice along even though he openly despises her. And Joey has virtually no respect for women or relationships at all; he constantly sexualises his female friends, and openly admits that guys are never nice to women for no reason – they always want sex.