Chandler from Friends wasn’t a character, but a way of life – and we have Matthew Perry to thank for it

Role Call: Matthew Perry played Chandler in Friends in a way that he was both an escape and reality check, both sardonically funny and hilariously dark.

What was the most Chandler Bing thing that Chandler Bing ever did? To me, it was proposing to Monica for marriage moments before telling her that he’s not ready for it yet. That’s Chandler for you – scared of taking the leap yet insecure of losing what he already has. Isn’t that every sarcasm connoisseur’s dilemma? Risking the hurt, but going for it anyway. Aren’t we all hopeless and awkward and desperate for love?

Darkest character from Friends
If we vote for the darkest character from Friends, Chandler Bing would take the cake. Phoebe Buffay would be close competition, yes, but she seems more at peace with her past. She refers to her mother’s suicide so casually every time that it makes the others far more uncomfortable than her. On the other hand, Chandler chooses flight over fight. Joey doesn’t like sharing food. And Chandler doesn’t like a confrontation.

Sample what sounds like a Chandler wedding vow: “We swallow our feelings, even if we’re unhappy forever. Sound good?” Or the self-disclaimer, “What’s wrong with me? Oh, don’t open that door!” Matthew Perry would resonate, if this line from his memoir Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing, is anything to go by, “I’m not the biggest fan of confrontation. I ask a lot of questions. Just not out loud.”

There have been moments throughout the 10 seasons of the show where Chandler has had to face his fears: like the one where their neighbour Mr. Heckles dies and Chandler finds similarities to the lonely, old man through his high school slambook. What Chandler was feeling then is very similar to what Matthew wrote in his memoir, “It is very odd to live in a world where if you died, it would shock people, but surprise no one.” It’s a line that Chandler could’ve very well said on the show, except it would be served in the tangy sauce of sarcasm.

Humour as armour
Chandler’s zingy one-liners aren’t always directed at others, but often at himself. In those moments, we get a peek into Chandler’s troubled past, but we’re too busy laughing at him that we overlook the embedded ache. But that’s exactly what Chandler wants: he doesn’t want sympathy, but only a validation of his self defense mechanism, a pat on the back of the boy who played well. He was so busy making us laugh that he doesn’t even know how to cry anymore.

Chandler is an escapist, but a self-aware one at that. He’s not in denial, or he chooses to be, given the sweet taste of it. Remember when he introduced himself as “I’m Chandler, I make jokes when I’m awkward,” or him spelling out his morning ritual, “I say more dumb things before 9 am than what most people say all day.”