365 Days: This Day has the scariest honeymoon sequence since ‘Bridgerton’ Part 1
True love. Is it when your soul understands another person or when your genitals bond together for life? According to the poets, it’s both, but in the world of 365 days: These days, it’s just a sticky velcro. The long-awaited sequel to summer 2020’s stupid horny hate watch 365 dni is finally on Netflix. Where the movie finally ends on a cliffhanger, 365 days: This day skips right to the happy ending. The film opens with a groom seeing his bride wearing a dress before the wedding and then hitting her hard outdoors. What follows is a strangely wholesome marriage ceremony that gives way to the most terrible honeymoon sequence since Bridgerton Season 1.
If you like your sex scenes served up with a healthy dose of absurdity and a little “damn, don’t these actors actually do that?!? ”, then 365 days: This delivery date. From the first scene to the unbelievable climax.
365 Days: This Day is the second part in a trilogy based on the books by Blanka Lipińska, a Polish cosmetic doctor who came up with her story while reading Fifty Shades of Gray vacation in Italy. In the first film, 365 dni (or 365 days), bored Polish sales representative Laura (Anna-Maria Sieklucka) goes to Italy on vacation. There, she is kidnapped by “Don” Massimo (Michele Morrone), a mafia boss who has been obsessed with Laura since he saw her on a beach years earlier. Massimo’s plan is to hold Laura hostage for 365 days in the hope that Stockholm Syndrome is real – I was recently informed that it is not! – and Laura will love him. Somehow it works. They have crazy sex against a backdrop of wealth, violence, and the Mediterranean Sea.
As mentioned, 365 days: This begins on Massimo and Laura’s wedding day. He climbs on top of his blushing (briefly blonde) bride and she whispers that she’s not wearing any panties. A few minutes later, her best friend Olga (Magdalena Lamparska) walks in on their backs, her arms laden with soft pieces of fabric that could be those missing panties. “You are sick people, you know that?” she said in English before calling them pervs in Polish. Is she talking about Massimo and Laura or us? Who can say?
The wedding night was as epic as you would expect from the likes of Massimo and Laura. The domineering criminal tells his lady love that she has one hour to do whatever she wants, then it’s his turn. She objects to this, saying she will take control. (The good news is that this time the sex feels more than 100% consensual? Huh?) She ties him up with her socks and starts masturbating naked. Disclaimer: this part looks very difficult to fake with movie magic, so I once again pray “sweet baby Jesus and the grown one too” That there is a hell of a intimacy coordinator attached to this project. Finally, Laura asked her husband to take her the way she liked. He is a unleashed animal. She likes it, we are led to believe.
